what now

all the test are done, failed 2 won 1, the rest of the summer im suppose to find a job and and... dont know what else. was thinking of starting making a game about some thing, got a couple of ideas, ill start with the simplest one, just a walk down a flight of stairs. i think in the high end engines of today i should be able to produce a result relatively quickly and it should look and play good. should i consult some friends who study architecture? or just brute force it? any opinions?

p.s. my hare turned out just fine, i think ill keep it for a while longer

facebook fan page

i made a facebook fan page to promote this shit, thers a link in the link dump page, and in case you cant follow that link hers the direct link http://www.facebook.com/pages/Young-Dued/228481423840101 please like so that i may steal your friends and promote this page manually :P

oh, look

almost no one came to visit. so this becomes a place where i write about shit once again, not that that changes anything, just that now  thers no one reading, anyway its my birth day today, so its only fitting that no one showed up. also ill make a facebook page to "promote" this blog. if you feel like it join and share. the link will be in the link dump, and ill make a post about it

hello there

not much happening lately, started doing nails, bought a bunch of nail polishes and materials, forgot to by white, idiot, didnt seem so obvious that it is really useful, beginner. apart from that, thers this sweet little number that flew in from the states. melancholy eyes, hare as long as her legs, and legs for miles. dark and aromatic, sure does have a purty lill mouth to go with all that charisma and character. unfortunately im banned from entering by here sister, who just so happens to be one of those people i dont got the heart to cross. still, its fun spending time with such a treat of a person. just hope she doesnt linger in my mind for to long :)


for a couple of days now iv been sun gazing, and i dont know if its the meditation or the medicine, but im starting to feel better. im giving more credit to meditating, namely there was a time in my life when i had a lot of time on my hands and no better idea what to do than meditate and play dota. it is in that period that i learned the most about the the game, and more surprisingly about life, thers a subtle line connecting all things in life. but you already know that, its the realization of the thought and catching of the line thahs enlightening. im not saying im there, im just saying i can see it from here.

p.s. im getting my hare died black :3 ill let you know how that works out


so... just got back from a 4 hour clinic-spree. got some pills to take, three different colorful bottles. starting the medication tonight, from what iv been able to read, it does the same thing as weed, dont get why i had to stop taking that to start taking this, it does mostly the same thing? anyway ill let you know how it goes.

power overFUCKINGwhelming!

i hate myself, almost an hero couple of days ago, now i feel better the Jesus! you guys helped a lot! hers a bit of my power to you all! AND NOW I MUST GO AND FUCK SOME BITCHES!!!11!! bipolar idiot -.- should haw know it gonna end soon, cuz im AWSOME!


i dont mean to whine

i think im depressed. from what iv been reading it goes away after two weeks, its been a weak now, i hope it does. i must study and i cant, cant sleep, can barely eat, cant get stuff done, but that nothing new i usually cant. anyway u just wanted you guys to know your comment really help, doesnt matter if there supportive or judgemental, its just that they are there. its nice to know that at least something i do matters to someone... probably everything i do matters to most of my friends, its just that im to blind to see that it does. insecure whiny bastard :')

voices in my head

a couple of new followers and i feel like thers a better tomorrow, tomorrow! that sounded better in my head. anyway thank you all for stopping by, it means the world to me! i got some studying to do for the next twenty or so days, wont be here much, but ill try and put in the effort to write something, at least a rant on the current state of the world... or something even more generic :)


tried killing myself yesterday, failed.

not much

havent made a post in a while, there was stuff to do irl. just wanted to report in, let all you caring people know im not dead. i got sent to some neuropsychiatry clinic, what a treat... a small flight of stairs followed by a glass wall led to a hallway bending to the right. the stench of sweat crept i as made my way to the 5 locked doors at the end of the clinic, no door knobs, no keyholes. a flickering neon light kindly pointed the way back. i started knocking on random dors, one of them opened just as a junky walked in to the clinic. as his face ticked he asked for some medicine from the lady that opened the door. i cant tell you what emotion was displayed on her face, i dont think it was pleasant, here eye twitched as she replied: 'the doctor isnt in!'. some more words were tortured between them, he left, she turned to me, i passed her the paper. after a most unpleasant interaction i gathered enough information, and left. the sunlight newer felt to welcoming.